Worth
by Reno of the Troika
Summary: Sometimes maybe, though it appears my humanity is gone, sometimes life is worth it. KenshinKaoru


Title: Worth  
Author: Cloudy Moonshine  
Rating: T  
Disclaimner: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin  
Dedicated to JasmineBlossom625, one of my best friends since I was 8. Hmmm...  
Author Note: I'm trying to write in present tense. But sometimes I slip into past tense. Some of it is on purpose and some of it I didn't catch. If you see anything that you think should be changed, tell me.

* * *

The _sakura_ blossoms are flying gently, dancing in the wind. Those beautiful pink petals caressing my cheeks calm my ever persistent thoughts a little. But, they cannot completely quell my guilty mind. Nothing can, and I fear nothing will.

I am sitting on the soft green grass, the wind blowing past and the river flowing on without a care. A peaceful scene, to be sure, if not for the fact that my mind can easily replace it with memories of bodies strewn on the ground and a river of blood. The red moon replaces the sun, instead of sunshine there is a red light shining down with cool malice.

I shake my head. This wasn't how I wanted to see the world, but it was the only way my mind could see it. On worse days, lively Yahiko is replaced by a young boy around the same age with a sword through his heart and merciless eyes. A child's death at my hands, not given a chance to see life at its best. Sano is replaced by the face of a former friend who was sacrificed for the government's greater good. Everyone was sacrificed for the greater good, even myself. But whereas I got to live, they are all dead. And Kaoru…

Rarely does this happen since she knows how to take my mind away from the pain. I love her with all my heart, and that is why I see Tomoe looking back with an emotionless façade. And her eyes open up a world of pain. Betrayal and hate are the clearest. I wish one day she may look at me the same before _that_ happened, but that's just what it is. A wish. And you can't change the past or the betrayal on any ghost's face.

All these images haunt me. Even more follow. Death is my shadow, and the dead pull at me relentlessly, calling for justice. I would appease them, but it would hurt my friends, and I can't do that to them either. I'm caught between life and death with no escape. I have sinned so much and can never hope to fully repent for my crimes. I'm caught in a trap where both my life and my death will do no one any good.

Standing up, I pull out my sword and examine it. Ever my faithful companion, it has kept me from breaking my vow. It helps guarantee that no more life will be taken by my hand. With it in my hands, I can keep my promise to protect and make sure a war never happens again.

I stand up from my peaceful place, and I start walking down the street, nodding at those familiar faces that I pass by. I am a well known figure in town. They know that I was a killer, but they also know that I have forsaken that side of myself. I don't know if I wanted that or not. If they gave me angry glares full of hate, I probably would be able to stand it a little more than this pitying acceptance. They know the pain that I put myself through and know that is enough punishment.

Of course, they've been scolded enough times by Kaoru-donno and threatened by killing looks from Sano and Yahiko. My friends defend me, and they see something that I can't really see myself. Maybe it's time for me to look for it, but I don't have the heart to do so.

I reach home, or at least what has been my home for a really long time now. I know Kaoru-donno is teaching her students, and Yahiko, with his sempai superiority, is helping. Sano is probably off somewhere else, having a drink and chatting with old friends. However they aren't who I'm looking for today.

"Uncle Kenshin!!" I smile at the two girls running towards me. Two angels in their own right.

I kneel down to accept their hugs. "What would you girls like to do today?" As their mouths spurt of with names of games, I think that maybe my life is worth living in this day and age, if only for selfish reasons. But the images still haunt me. The day these girls appear as ghosts as well… I fear for that day.

* * *

"He really has a way with the girls, doesn't he?" Yahiko teases behind me.

Practice ended ten minutes ago. I have spent that time watching Kenshin play with the girls, mind lost in thought. It is nice to see him smiling. These days he wanders off in the mornings, looking wary and depressed at the same time. It is like he is looking at ghosts that only he can see. Of course I know they are there. For him, ghosts follow in his wake. He tries to pretend they aren't there, but it's most frightening when he looks at ghosts where Yahiko, Sano, and I stand.

I know who he sees when he looks at me. One day he accidentally told me and has regretted it every since. He probably didn't want to worry me, but he doesn't know that I've been worrying about him since the day he first saved me. He's been my hero, protecting me even if he must sacrifice himself. I wish I could do the same for him.

I look at my hands. It feels like there is so little I can do for him except… be there. But maybe for him and for me, that's enough.

The time to answer Yahiko's rhetorical question has passed. I turn to him but find that he has already gone. I sigh. I don't know if I should be proud or scared that he has increased his abilities in stealth. The things he could do…

I shake my head. Worrying about the pranks Yahiko could do to me was not something I should dwell on. I just have to prank him back. I smile at the ideas that come to mind. Maybe I could get Kenshin to help me.

* * *

"Kaoru-donno." That beautiful face turns, and my heart swells at her sweet countenance. After I had finished playing with the girls, I went to the market for vegetables to make dinner. But when I was going to start, I remembered. And so I looked for her. "Would you like to cook with me today?"

She starts to nod but frowns instead. "I'm no good in the kitchen. And I've had enough of Sano's and Yahiko's insults for a year." Her face is full of disappointment and self-anger at not being able to complete such a simple task.

I just shake my head, smiling gently. "It just takes some practice. And I'll help you with every step." I look at her intently, silently encouraging her.

She hesitantly nods. I offer her my hand and she takes it. In that moment, though, I don't see Tomoe. I simply see Kaoru, as beautiful as ever.

Catching the transparent happiness in my eyes, she smiles. "You see me?" she asks cautiously. She has doubt, but I can see that she has hope as well.

I nod and pull her into my arms. "I don't know why," I whisper to her fiercely. "But sometimes you make it more than worth it. Like a dream come true."

* * *

Just hearing him say those words makes my heart skip a beat. I look at his face, catching the smile on his face and smile back. I tug at his arms and lead him to the kitchen. "So what do I do first?" He laughs, and I feel that the world is right again.

* * *

Thank you for reading! Happy Birthday Jasmineblossom625!


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